Allay Anxiety|How to Deal with Anxiety, Cope without Drugs… Thrive!

One of the circumstances which provoked my anxiety to an extreme was being in the workplace. I struggled with intrusive thoughts about what others may be thinking of me and whether I was doing my job to the satisfaction of my boss. For me one of the most embarrassing elements of the disorder was having to muddle through workplace anxiety.

At the time I wondered just what there was to be anxious about. In my rational mind I knew that I was a competent employee and that I was generally liked and respected by my co-workers. There was simply no need for workplace anxiety.

Still, during nearly every shift some situation would arise and the symptoms would begin to present themselves; My palms would sweat, I’d get a lump in my throat, I’d become paranoid that I was somehow embarrassing myself and I would have difficulty thinking clearly.

I worked in a customer service capacity and, paradoxically, it was dealing with the customers that would often bring the most relief. I knew that the customers would only be present in the shop for a short while. I knew that my interaction with them would last only a few minutes and then I’d never see them again. I somehow convinced myself that what they thought didn’t really matter. And without the fear of judgment, I was able to successfully interact with them.

However, with my co-workers the anxiety was unrelenting. I always felt as if I didn’t belong in the workplace at all, that my co-workers were all superior to me in some way. And with these thoughts in the back of my mind, I could never find myself at ease with them.

But by far by biggest struggle with workplace anxiety was with my boss. I could never find my comfort spot with the man. I felt inferior and lacking and could barely look him in the eye. The fact that I could be fired by this guy at any time wreaked havoc with my sense of comfort. I thought at any moment he would simply fire me. I was anxious around him all the time.

I decided that something needed to be done about this situation.

I had reached the turning point. I decided that I could no longer operate under these conditions and I undertook to address the problem. Throughout this period I had been on a regular schedule of benzodiazepines. The klonopin I was taking would sometimes alleviate the worst of the symptoms. But other times it was totally useless.

As I have discussed previously, I decided that there had to be another way. I commenced to get off the benzodiazepines, which turned out to be out of best decisions of my life. I next turned to the internet in search of alternate treatment strategies for anxiety disorders.

What I found online was, quite frankly, depressing. There was rather a lot of pablum about anxiety symptoms and cognitive behavioral therapy but there was nothing that was actionable. I found stuff like this page at the top of the listings on the search engines for the term “anxiety.” Is that useful to anyone but the completely clueless? This kind of so-called conventional wisdom which implores people to go to a psychiatrist, get on a benzo and start cognitive behavioral therapy is putting a band aid on the problem at best. Such a course of action is exactly what I did and, let me tell, it didn’t help a whiff. If that sounds like a plan to you, so be it. But good luck with the benzo withdrawal syndrome and that’s if you can ever get off of them in the first place. So, having not found much useful information, I dug a little deeper. Next I encountered all the websites that were basically fronts for affiliate products like so-and-so’s ebook that claimed to be able to alleviate anxiety entirely for just one easy payment of $49.99. I never was much for pissing away money so I never got the chance to learn so-and-so’s secret. Such is life.

Anyway, back to my workplace anxiety. I realized that for me I was going to have to practice some acceptance. First, I realized that I would never be comfortable with the idea of a “boss.” I’ve always been an independent person. I see myself as a peer to others. I am not comfortable with being in the superior position when dealing with other adults nor am I comfortable being the inferior position. I just had to accept that about myself. I am not comfortable with bosses. They make me anxious. I’ve accepted it. Not coincidentally when I accepted my anxiety about dealing with boss, it started to diminish. It started to get better. Was it ever a perfect, anxiety-free relationship like the kind I have with a best friend? No. But that’s because my boss was not my best friend. He’s my boss. I accepted it.

The fact of the matter is that accepting anxiety is without a do the most effective way to neutralize it. If anything is the thesis of Allay Anxiety, it is that.

My next step was to take a look at other workplace situations that were causing me anxiety and to see what I could be proactive about. One of the main things about my job that caused anxiety was its fast pace. I worked in a busy restaurant where there were always a million things going on. It demanded rapid multi-tasking. Quite frankly this was never an ideal situation for me. I don’t perform at my best in hectic environments. As a sufferer of mental illness I have realized that I have to stack in my favor rather than against me. I need to work in an atmosphere that plays to my strengths rather than aggravating my weaknesses.

Dealing with anxiety does not mean that you have to a passive observer in your own life. You can take action to affect change. For me that meant finding a new job. I wasn’t in the right environment and I knew it. I was being stubborn and trying to “make it work” when it was never a round peg in the first place.

Which brings us to my next point: Stop trying to prove your “normal!” You are not normal. You have an anxiety disorder that affects your life. It may even impact it severely. Isn’t it time you acknowledged that fact? By trying to run against it, trying to do what the next guy does, just to prove that you are functional human being you are actually setting yourself up for failure. For me that meant that the restaurant business wasn’t a good fit for me. Did I take that to mean I was failure? Absolutely not. I just accepted the fact that I wasn’t doing myself any favors trying to force myself to conform to a situation that I wasn’t suited for.

It’s funny. Only a person with an anxiety disorder will continue to do the action that causes them anxiety. They will try over and over again to “face their fears” in the hope that they will overcome them. In Alcoholics Anonymous they define insanity as doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. Yet that’s what anxiety sufferers do constantly. But it’s bad advice. You’re really not facing your fears so much as provoking them and, unless you’re a masochist, I don’t see the percentage in that.

The path that I chose was to accept the facts as the facts. I get anxious in a hot, crowded kitchen filled with screaming bosses. The more times I tried to face the situation the more despondent I became since my anxiety symptoms were not decreasing. Finally, I wised up and said if this workplace is causing me this much anxiety it might not be the right workplace for me. And, to be honest with you, I haven’t lost a second of sleep because of this decision. Once I decided to accept it, it began to lose its power.

If you are suffering from workplace anxiety I would invite you to start thinking more concretely about how to address your problem. I don’t think you need to continue to face your fears over and again to prove some point to yourself. You need to put yourself in a situation to succeed.

Take an honest appraisal of the elements at your workplace that are causing your anxiety.

Is there a way to make a change (or eliminate) those elements? Like me, you may not be a work environment that fits your disposition. If so you will probably be best looking for another job where you will be more likely to succeed. Only you can decide on a course of action, and, since I am not counselor, I’m not here to advise you on it. You need to step to the plate and start to take ownership over your own life. I would suggest that your first step be one of acceptance.