Allay Anxiety|How to Deal with Anxiety, Cope without Drugs… Thrive!

Some people think that I am some sort of guru or something because I tell people that there is nothing stopping them from overcoming their anxiety once and for all. Some people have even said that they think I am conceited or full of my self. Look I am not a guru and I am not selling the cure for anxiety. All I am doing is sharing my story of the steps I took in overcoming anxiety. If you don’t think that what I am describing will work for you, that’s okay. You don’t have to try any of my anxiety reducing techniques. I am not trying to twist your arm into trying anything. So, just remember that before you send me hate email. Ok, thank you. So let’s get onto the topic of today’s post which is overcoming anxiety once and for all.

When I struggled with anxiety I struggled with outcomes. I believed that certain things would embarrass me or humiliate me and I was terrified that I would look like a fool or be made fun of. This was one way that my anxiety manifested itself. Another way was that I had disturbing thoughts about hurting someone else and I also got anxious thinking about death and finally I thought that something bad might happen to me. I would think about these things and I would become anxious to the point of having panic attacks. And I would deal with anxiety by retreating to my apartment where I would sit by myself sometimes drinking alcohol. Does this sound familiar to any of you? I struggled with social anxiety and every other form and it was absolutely crippling. However I did some research on how to deal with anxiety and started to take advice. What I learned was very disappointing. I did not overcome my anxiety by following the so-called experts advice. It simply didn’t help and I believe it is a complete sham of an industry the so-called anxiety cure industry. The anxiety experts recommend that you overcome anxiety by correcting your thinking errors and using DBT techniques like distraction or relaxation to diminish distress. In my opinion these techniques are a complete joke and not only do they not work but they are dangerous because they are so ineffective.

Overcoming your anxiety requires that you regulate the release of chemicals in your brain. If you think you are going to be able to achieve this by reading the Feeling Good Handbook or some other such tripe, I have some bad news for you. You are never going to overcome your anxiety. Folks, things have to get worse before they will get better. Whatever you are afraid of, whatever it is that gives you anxiety, you are going to have to come around and face it if you ever want to get over it. How do you face it and start overcoming anxiety. It is not complicated but at the same time it is not easy. It will be among the most distressing things that you ever do because your anxiety (if it is like my anxiety which it probably is) is caused by fear of outcomes or consequences. Now, you don’t need to go and experience the outcome that you are terrified to get over your anxiety concerning it. That is simply a terrible idea. But what you do need to do is to get the point that you simply don’t care if that outcome does happen or not. How do you do that. This is very important and the most important thing I can ever tell you regarding overcoming anxiety.

You start overcoming anxiety by not caring!

Let me say that again in case you aren’t with me thus far.

You start overcoming anxiety by not caring!

So, let’s look at that statement and see what I mean. In my case I was afraid of many things. But let’s just take one. I had anxiety in social situations because I felt like other people were in some way superior to me and that in any interaction I would only embarrass myself which was simply terrifying so I had awful anxiety symptoms when being around people, especially strangers or people I did not know that well. Well, first let me say, that today I simply do not have the anxiety around people that I used to in those situations. I don’t have it all. Now, have I found some sort of anxiety cure? In a way yes, but it’s not a pill or anything like that. Let’s return to my example and I will show you what I did to overcome anxiety in that circumstance.

So, I’ve got to interact with someone socially and I’m terrified. I don’t want them to see that I am anxious. I want to do a good job in this interaction because let’s face it having social anxiety is embarrassing. But the problem is that by fearing the outcome or consequence my anxiety only gets worse. So, what I started to do, is simply not care about my anxiety. Now, what does that mean. I realized that life was short, the universe was large and by and large nobody really cared that I had anxiety. So, I came to conclusion that I wouldn’t care either. And when I would interact with that stranger I would still be anxious as hell but I just wouldn’t care. So what. I embarrassed myself, well life is too short to worry about that. I just realized that my anxiety is not that important. And the thing is I stopped caring about embarrassing myself. And do you know what happened? Nothing at first, I still had all the anxiety that I ever had. I still embarrassed myself in social situations but I just didn’t care. I didn’t see it as embarrassing. But, for a while, because I was still having anxiety, I didn’t see this as a breakthrough. However, as the months went by and I still did not care that I had anxiety, I noticed that my anxiety began to diminish. I realized that I was getting better, not caring was diminishing my anxiety. I suffered less and less anxiety each time, and I realized that I was overcoming anxiety. It was a remarkable feeling, that I was able to breathe free and easy for the first time.

I overcame anxiety by simply not caring that I had it. Now, I don’t know how clear this point is and I know I haven’t explained the exact technique that I used to overcome anxiety however I just really want to bang home the key point: I overcame anxiety by not caring that I had it.

We will be coming back to this point again and again because it is the key point in dealing with anxiety and I don’t care what the so-called experts who have never overcame anxiety (and I mean severe crippling anxiety) in their life. Well, I have overcome it and I am simply going to continue to tell you how I did it. So, things will become more clear in time, and I hope you will continue to visit this site while I develop these ideas. Just remember that even with my techniques you will not overcome anxiety quickly. It will take time I can assure you. However, in time, you can overcome your anxiety completely and never have to deal with it again.

It took me a long time to learn how to deal with anxiety effectively. I started this blog to help others who are struggling with anxiety and/or panic attacks and I hope you use the tools that I am providing with you effectively. I also want to encourage feedback from my readers. If you enjoy something about this site or have a question please leave a comment, though at the moment I am dealing with some spam filter issues however those should be cleared up pretty quickly. I also would like feedback as to whether you (the reader) would like me to add a forum to this site. Like I said please let me know in the comments, which should be up about as promptly as I can get them up!

Anyway back to today’s post which is on dealing with anxiety. As I wrote last time in anxiety cures I believe that each of us have a decision to make if we want to deal with anxiety or want to just keep struggling on. What I mean by that is this, when you decide to take a stand against something, in this case overcoming anxiety, you may have some other issues that arise in your life and you have to decide if you want to make that tradeoff. What do I mean by this? Let me explain.

If you want to eliminate your anxiety I can show you exactly how to do it, and have been for some time on this blog. However once you learn strategies for dealing with anxiety you may have other issues that come up for you. In this instance I am talking about philosophical issues for my method for dealing with anxiety is different than most others. I advocate accepting your anxiety on the basis that nobody really cares that you struggle with anxiety. Once you realize that it simply does not matter then you overcome anxiety in a way that is probably hard for you to even comprehend at this point. However, when you do so then other problems creep up for you which can cause difficulties as well, and we better address those “side effects” as well.

Here’s what will happen if you follow my method for dealing with anxiety. First, you will begin to struggle with anxiety less and less and when you do have moments of anxiety they will generally be far less severe. Sure you will still have symptoms but the thing about it is that they will not bother you and in time, after dealing with this stage of anxiety for a while, the symptoms themselves will start to disappear and you can live free from anxiety. You have essentially discovered how to deal with anxiety effectively. But the secondary, philosophical problem starts to rear its head.

Once you have accepted your own insignificance in the universe you can have difficulty dealing with life. I know I have experienced this unfortunate outcome and while I am anxiety free I still can not say I am completely satisfied (though I would never go back into the dark) and here’s why. I have fully internalized how meaningless my life is and as a result I have seen how meaningless a panic attack is which is a good thing. But other things like excelling in work or having children doesn’t hold the same appeal to me anymore because I have realized that there is very little worth doing. And this is the downside of this method of dealing with anxiety. While not a certainty, it is possible that you will begin to lose interest in some of the things you used to hold dear. This is somewhat unfortunate but it also just a fact of the matter so you learn how to cope.

I have learned new strategies for dealing with what I call anxiety free living in reality. I have to face certain adult realities in this new life that make my old anxiety and panic attack problem seem miniature in comparison. I felt like I had to take this leap to address my mental illness and anxiety issues however I wasn’t entirely prepared for the resultant change in philosophy. See, I hate to break the news to you, but the universe does not care that you suffer from anxiety. Actually, nobody cares about your anxiety problem accept you (and maybe your significant other, maybe) and that’s just the reality. As you come to accept this reality your anxiety will naturally diminish to the point that it itself disappears and then other questions come to the fore. For instance, what else that you thought people cared about (like your mental illness) do they simply care less about. Do you see where I am going with this? It is entirely possible that you will have to accept a whole new reality. But, and this is important, it is entirely worth it. Why? Because there is nothing like living in the darkness, having social anxiety, being afraid of anxiety, living a half life of misery. There is nothing like that kind of unhappiness. It stinks quite frankly. So you simply must deal with anxiety and not be a slave to it. But then you can start to realize that so little of what you do truly matters and this can cause depression though I haven’t actually seen it cause depression so much as disinterest which is quite different. So what are my strategies for continuing to prosper after you have effectively eliminated your anxiety?

Well, there will be another couple of posts on this subject however I just wanted to let my readers know that I am aware of the fact that these issues do come up. The first strategy to combat this effect is to build and maintain relationships. This is critical as well you isolate even if you aren’t dealing with anxiety you can struggle to stay motivated to fight the fight. This is simply a reality. So you need to stay close to others and nurture the relationships that help you feel a part of. The other thing that you will notice, once your anxiety disappears, is that you are must more able to function with other people, especially strangers. You won’t get those anxiety symptoms that you hate so much, sweaty palms, racing thoughts and heart, etc. You will simply be much more composed. Another strategy that helps you feel connected is to pursue major dreams. Once you learn how to deal with anxiety you will feel very large and some of your problems start to seem pretty darn small. You can’t believe how you used to stress over this stuff it just seems so trivial to you now. And that will happen which is great but because of this you simply realize that many of the old things you used to worry about and get anxious over simply melt away. They just sort of take care of themselves and suddenly you are not worrying about them at all. As a result of this, life starts to seem somewhat breezy. You don’t have the same struggles that you used to have. You will find yourself interacting with people more often and making more money and therefore your financial insecurity issues and social anxiety will melt away and suddenly you don’t have that much on your plate to really worry about and then you start to feel unchallenged. In order to combat this feeling, which will absolutely happen as you deal with anxiety and eliminate many of the petty things that you used to sweat, you will need to develop new, much more ambitious goals to keep you interested in life. On one hand it will be very satisfying to dream big and conquer big goals, however you will also realize that many of your simple pleasures will not give you the same thrill that they used to. When you are dealing with anxiety just being able to interact like a normal human being makes you feel good about yourself, however once your anxiety is gone you will get no rush from simply completely everyday tasks without embarrassing yourself. Those days are over my friends.

Because of this, you simply need to find some new goals for you to accomplish. You will find that once you deal with anxiety and put the panic behind you that there are a lot of things that you can accomplish in life that you may have thought were out of your reach before. And because of this, just to stay interested in life, you can’t be afraid to go after these things and challenge yourself with them. You need to stay interested to combat these philosophical issues I have been talking about, but I fully believe you can do. I hope all this has made sense, for I am not sure if it did. If I was unclear please leave a comment and let me know.

next time we’ll really get into the meat of dealing with anxiety on a day to day basis.

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If you’re looking for anxiety cures, a cure for consistent anxiety, then I have some good news for you. An anxiety cure is totally attainable. You just have to be willing to make certain decisions and take certain actions and it can absolutely become a reality for you.

So, first what do you hope to find in an anxiety cure? Are you looking for a new anxiety pill to pop or a new therapy technique to experience? If you are looking for those kind of cures then I may have some bad news. I am not entirely certain that there are cures to be found in those two areas, but before we go further let us just address those two questions individually.

First, is there a pill that functions as a cure for anxiety? The answer to this question is simple, it is no, and the question also illustrates a lack of quality thinking on the subject. The type of pills and medications that are commonly marketed as anxiety cures are called benzodiazepines. There are nearly two dozen different benzo medications and some of the more common are sold under the trade names of ativan, zanax, klonopin, and valium. I have been on this class of medications and even went to a mental health treatment center as a result of being on them. Here’s what I know about them.

First, benzodiazepines are not a miracle cure for anxiety. What they are are extremely addicting medicines that cause horrible and profound side effects when you miss a dose and they have a terrible withdrawal syndrome. Now, on the plus side, they do relieve many of the most acute forms of anxiety symptoms, the sweating palms, the rapid heart beat, the cognitive disorientation and the flushing of the face. These meds will decrease such anxiety symptoms. However, they only work in the short term. If your problems persist you will have to keep taking the benzos, maybe indefinitely. And there is the problem.

If you start to take, let’s say Xanax or Klonopin, every day you will develop a certain dependency to that medicine and therefore if and when you are not feeling anxious you will not be able to stop taking them. Rather than cure your anxiety they only ameliorate your symptoms. It is like putting a blanket on when you’re cold, you might not be cold anymore but if you take the blanket off you are once again cold. It does not “cure” your coldness.

But it is a whole lot worse than that. You see, benzodiazepines are effective in the short term but are nearly useless for chronic anxiety. Your body delivers a tolerance to them so even if you take 5mg of klonopin a day, within six months your anxiety symptoms will return as your body adjusts to the medication. You will only experience short term relief. For maybe six months or a year will be able to handle your symptoms but then what happens? I’ll tell you, your anxiety comes back. And then you have two options: You can increase the dosage of your medication or simply continue to suffer. Eventually, you will reach a point where no doctor will increase your medication any further. But, the really awful thing about these medications is that they are terrifically addicting. You will need to take them to avoid horrible withdrawal. And I don’t mean a little discomfort. I mean life-threatening withdrawal. Read that again if it is unclear. If you become addicted to benzos you will need to be medically detoxed off of them so that you avoid a life-threatening seizure. That’s a tough pill to swallow but it’s the truth.

So medicines are really not cures for anxiety.

So, just quickly, let me address curing anxiety through therapy as well. A good therapist can help you tremendously. They are an invaluable resource that shouldn’t be diminished. I believe that therapists can really get you thinking about ways to attack your anxiety and ways to decrease it. But, they will not be able to offer an anxiety cure. This is simple enough, for a psychologist treats the symptoms of the anxiety attacks.

He does not treat the underlying assumptions that are causing you to become anxious in the first place. So, a therapist can be very helpful in an ongoing treatment program for severe anxiety, but he is simply not going to be helpful in eliminating your anxiety. In many ways a therapist or psychiatrist is similar to an anxiety medication. They are helpful, in the moment, for alleviating anxiety symptoms, however as soon as the pill wears off, you leave his office, you are right back where you started off. It isn’t really the answer after all.

The other thing you need to think about is the fact that most psychologists want to work on something rational. They, in general, don’t do so well treating anxiety because anxiety is really not something that you can “talk” your way out of. When you are having an anxiety attack, and you have no doubt felt this, your brain is being flooded with tons of chemicals that are causing a powerful reaction in your mind. You are under the spell of the panic attack. You are not thinking logically and rationally and you can not simply think your way out of it. And remember what a therapist is going to do is try to teach you to think your way out of it. That isn’t an anxiety cure, it is an anxiety delusion.

So, while both anxiety medication and individual appointments with a therapist can be helpful, neither is a cure for anxiety. And what we are looking for are anxiety cures. If you’re like me you are sick of simply masking the unpleasantness or trying to suffer through an attack more quickly you want to eliminate the anxiety from you life. You want to cure your anxiety. I understand exactly where you are coming from. And I do believe there is such a thing as an anxiety cure. In fact, I am about to share the cure for anxiety with you.

First, and this is important, read my earlier article about the mind shift technique. Seriously, go read it. Ok, so you’re back. First, welcome back. I hope you were able to internalize the type of change in thinking I was talking about in that article because we are going to talk about it here. if you need to go ahead and reread it because we are going to be talking about it in depth here…

The key to an everlasting anxiety cure is your mind. You see, I know why you are having anxiety attacks in the first place because I was there myself. You’re having anxiety attacks because you are worried about some consequence. Now the consequence could be embarrassment or it could be pain or it could be death or it could be misfortune. Whatever, you are obsessing about some consequence and that is causing your panic attacks. Simply put you are afraid, afraid about this consequence. You are so deathly afraid of it that you are literally causing your brain to spasm with toxins and chemicals just by thinking about the possibility of this consequence coming to fruition. Terrifying isn’t it.

So, take a moment and think about the consequence that causes you the most extreme anxiety. It’s probably some pretty unpleasant consequence that scares you to death. Don’t worry that’s natural. It has to be a pretty scary consequence to cause the type of reaction that it does in your brain. And, naturally, as a result of this you get a terrible anxiety attack.

So, what do we need to do to cure you of this pattern of thinking? Well, we’ll get to that in a moment. Now, remember the consequence that you were thinking about just a moment ago. Well, you are going to have to confront it. Here’s how. You need to decide, however, which is more important to you, avoiding the consequence or eliminating your anxiety. Because sometimes the anxiety, however unpleasant, is actually more appealing than facing the consequence that you are dreading.

Do you follow. You need to decide. Which is worse, the anxiety or the consequence. If you would prefer not to face this consequence then you will remain in a panic ridden, anxious state — possibly forever. If you want the anxiety cure, you are going to need to face this consequence head on. But I do not mean “face the fear” as some describe it. For instance, if you are terrified about driving in the rain, I’m not recommending that you “face” that fear by driving in a monsoon. No, not at all. Because your fight or flight reflex is very real. Simply traumatizing yourself does NOT alleviate the fear.

So, what am I recommending? It’s simple. Acceptance. Whatever you fear might actually happen, but you know what, that will be okay. The earth will continue to rotate around the sun if you get caught behind the wheel during a hurricane. Life will go on.

So, the way to cure anxiety is to accept that that might happen. Overcoming anxiety depends on your ability to be OK with the nightmare that is your consequence. Whatever you fear… it might happen. I can’t tell you otherwise and naturally you fear this outcome terribly. But what if it did come true. Do you know what…

The universe would continue to go on. Life as we know it would probably not cease to exist. Sure, it would be terrible and that’s why you fear it, but ask yourself this: Is this fear, this overwhelming anxiety worth it? is it worth it to you to continue to live in this terrible fear?

Simply accept that whatever you fear will come true. Or it has already. It stinks. It’s terrible. But it’s a reality. Get over it. If you accept your fear will come true you will stop worrying, obsessing and agonizing over it. In order to cure anxiety you have to be willing to say to yourself, “I don’t care.” You must be willing to say to yourself that the anxiety caused by the fear is worse than the consequence that you fear. Regardless of what you are worried about, it is controlling your life already. It is making you miserable. It is winning. Turn the tides by deciding it will come true, it has come true, or it is coming true already and you simply do not care.

Do you see now? The only anxiety cure that you need is in your mind. If you master your fear by accepting its inevitability, you will cure your anxiety. Stop worrying and just accept. That is the ultimate anxiety cure, my friends.